I often wonder if I am cynical about love or just the likelihood that I will experience it. Today I read one of my favorite works of poetry Desiderata. (Click the link to read it.) It inspired my latest rant. I have decided to share my philosophy about love and why I have been a cynic and to be clear I have decided to define our terms for this blog:
Cynic: a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.
Love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
To begin I am a lover. I love hard and deep, passionately and patiently. I love like my heart will never be broken and like the object of my affection is incapable of wrong. I see the good and work with the bad; I prioritize affection and care to the point of distraction. If given the chance I could be the happiest homemaker and mother in the world! With a strong beautiful and productive family that is the both successful and effective.
The problem is that I know what I can give but I am helpless to what I receive. Because I know the magnitude of my female power I am determined to be loved adequately. I refuse to be disregarded, but I loathe being a distraction. The problem may be the extremes. I want to be cared for but not taken care of. I want to be desired but not worshiped. I want a partner not a master and my lover must first be my friend. Trust is paramount therefore transparency and honesty are essential to the success of the relationship. I have a distaste for the judgmental and therefore I make every effort to not finalize my opinions. (Side note we all have and form opinions based on the information we receive, passing judgment settles that opinion as the absolute and usually requires some convincing to change. It also colors your responses and closes your mind.)
Now on to why I am a cynic! People are inherently selfish and when you love them adequately no matter how much they love you back they want everything and because they haven’t been asked for much they are thrown off by demands. I really don’t get people most of the time anyway. I believe in the power of people doing things for good but I see so many devious efforts at kindness that I am jaded.
Because I live free of motives, I am constantly told that I am naive, which as I keep on living I realize may be true. I want to live life louder and love harder I am just uninterested in the lack of reciprocation. I can not change this plan, so I am planning a trip to Eat & Pray as for the love thing I think I am good. I wonder if by definition I am not a cynic. Hmmm?
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